Dating Tips for your Children!!!!! November 1, 2009

Okay these are tips for how to date your children.. strange concept?  Perhaps, but bear with me and you’ll see where I’m going with this..

A relationship, no matter if it is spouse, friend, relative, child, whatever must be nourished in order to survive.. so with that in mind, i want to explore how to keep your parent/child relationship alive, no matter the age, gender or current status.  Ready?

1. Get prepared for dating. Be ready to commit to dating your child. Half-heartedness won’t work. In fact, it won’t even get you half-way. If you really want to date them, put some effort into it. This is about wooing that heart back to where you want it. Just like you did to get your spouse, you’re going to put on the extra charm and pitch in 110% to capture the heart of your boy or girl.
2.  Don’t Compare  kids!!!! Don’t compare your oldest to your youngest… or your middle to the baby. Each child is an individual and should be seen and valued for who they are!!!!!!! Respect that and do expect them to be the same, act the same, talk the same as your other child or children. Save the comparisons for when you’re shopping for car insurance.
3. Don’t Hide From Intimacy — every one of you just went WHAT??? this is my CHILD you’re talking about… WAIT.. Emotional intimacy is the foundation of a good relationship.  If you clam up when your little girl wants to you about dating, or physical changes, or love,  or even jealousy of a friend, any subject –she may feel he’s the only one sharing. Comments like, “Whatever” or “I don’t care” relay an attitude that says, “I don’t really want to get to know you better.”  Get to know your child.. talk to them like you’d want to be talked to.. just because they are little doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings.
4. Listen Up  –this goes hand in hand with #3 —Learn to listen and watch your relationship blossom. Active listening requires you to keep your lips closed while your child shares. Do not give advice or try to fix anything; instead, repeat back what you thought your child said. Then simply respond with, “Wow, that’s interesting,” or “Really? Tell me more about that…  its amazing what you can find out when you sit quietly and listen…
5. Take time with each child individually.. maybe you get along better with one because of similar interests or you find its hard to talk to the other… Make and effort to do something special with each child. Dad’s go get a pedicure with your daughter, mom’s go to the arcade and play video games with your boy, show them they are important to you.. make the effort to know them..
6. Get in Touch a Lot. Don’t be afraid to hug or kiss your child, but do it when they are comfortable. Cuddle up during a TV show with your little girl or  take your sons arm when you’re walking down the street are also ways to bond.  This  reinforces your affection and makes you feel closer on an instinctive level. Everyone NEEDS contact.. even the most rebellious child longs for the touch of another.. make the effort.

The way you interact with your child is impacting him on life choices, who he or she will marry, the type of person they will eventually choose one day.. How dad’s treat their daughters will set the stage for a life choice of how she interprets love, and what kind of man she will marry.. Moms- your son needs to know love unconditionally from you so he can find that in his future spouse. Don’t be afraid to woo your child.. to date them and show them they are so very important to you.  Take the time you once put into to conquering your spouses heart and pour that into you child — win them back if they are far away or just keep them close…..it will build a relationship that will last forever……

 

Now — go out and start dating )

 

 

Mp3’s, DVD’s, GPS and LMNOP……. alphabet soup October 8, 2009

Life is like a huge circle.. at some point I guarantee you’re going to pass this way again, or somewhere very very similar.  I think about the potholes of life, the things we’re often not prepared for and how it makes you feel as though you’ve woken up to see your left two tires are flat… Do i call AAA?  A tow-truck???  You hurry to dial 9-11 only to find the phone has been disconnected……. yes things can indeed get pretty interesting in life at times…  when the car breaks down, the fridge goes out, and your bank calls and you overdrawn.. you suddenly feel completely overwhelmed.

Then I float dreamily back  to a simpler time, when all that worried you was running out of coke before all your pizza was eaten… a fight with a best friend was the end of the world until tomorrow when  all is forgiven with a hug…..and skinned knees were war wounds to be shown off with pride.  I think of a time when the days stretched on for ever…… when a tree was a castle in the sky and the freckle faced boy next door was the prince slaying the dragon to rescue the princess –who was shoeless up in the tree, and has dirt smeared across her nose and cheeks.  

I sit here pondering if we have allowed society to encourage our children to grow up too quickly… have we set out goals so far above they heads they are continually jumping but never reach it.   We pressure them to succeed.. what do you want to be when you grow up is requested in writing, in triplicate form, signed and dated… by the time they are in Kindergarten.. lives paths are given out in first grade.. here is yours stick to it… there are no detours. 

As I watch my kids… its as if technology is second nature… things we are astounded at are taken for granted by them.. Life without a microwave is considered poverty.   And I wonder……. what would their lives be like today,  IF…. would they be drastically different IF……… I am a firm believer in chores and working… I’ve had a job of some sort since I was 14… (yay Summer Hire – Hahn AB, Germany)  While provided for well by my parents, I knew the big stuff wasn’t going to be just given to me.  Hard work develops a sense of ownership, of pride — while we may not enjoy it…at the end of the day, self worth far outweighs sore muscles… 

Take away the cell phones, the lap tops, DVDs, Mp3’s,  the xBoxes….. and what is left in a childs life today… where is the imagination of yesteryear….. Are our children as prepared for the qualms of life as we were…Have we done our job to teach them enough life lessons to conquer the world.. or perhaps have we gone to far and made tiny adults complete with briefcases and the Idiots Guide to Life out of our preschoolers.   

 

 maybe the truth of the matter is that they ARE better equipped to deal with it… because truth be told……I still can’t work the GPS system in the car………..

Individually the same……….. September 28, 2009

It isn’t often that I can go a day without thinking, I should write about…………… but rarely do I actually sit down and do it now days. Things pop up, a phone call, work, a twitter addiction, or simply life.. and its shuffled to the side. But there is much to be said for the written word as it is preserving and causes one to eternally remember the events of the day.   So today I choose to write.. To remember and to leave a part of me here for you to enjoy.

There is much to be said about individuality.  From the minute both of the children came into this world, it was apparent there were differences that far surpassed the obvious.  Josh and his humble, quiet and meek spirit… content in any situation, happy come what may, and Abbie, the whirlwind of emotions, exploding with anger and passionate about life.  Nothing shocks me anymore about these two.  I have come to expect much of both of them. And enjoy their differences as one would enjoy the fresh spring water, its refreshing.  I can’t imagine them any other way.

A few days ago, that humble and meek spirit was tried.  Josh was smacked by a classmate over an altercation in gym class.  While he held ever right to return fire, he simply turned and walked away….. came home and still showed little to no emotion… I never anticipated having a conversation with him where i begged him to please be angry at me sometimes, its OKAY… Where Abbie would have pounded the guy, Josh showed grace and walked away. I think at times I’m envious of his personality.  While I’m non-confrentational,  I’m not going to back down from a bully. 

Then there is the free-spirited Abigail.. the one that makes me laugh one minute and furious the next.  So much like her father in personality that I often wonder if they will ever truly get along… though it makes me smile to see the face of perplexity when she realizes she is him made over…  I enjoy the early mornings though, when I go into her room to wake her and she’s still curled up under the covers… she yawns and stretches and for a brief moment, the facial expression is that of the baby i carried home from the hospital nearly 11 years ago.

  Abbie was hurt yesterday, and I think in many ways it hurts me more than it does her, to see her in pain and kwow I can’t kiss it and make the pain dissolve away…. I remember those little voices of yesterday saying kiss the boo-boo mama, make it all better…..and one kiss and the giggles that followed as I blew on their tummies and kisses them in the creases of their necks…..  Josh wants so many hugs (no kisses though *wink*) and cuddles it’s as if he’s still my little boy….but the tough girl in Abbie doesn’t want the kisses…….much…but on rare occasions when the curtain is lowered, I get to baby her….. and love every minute of it……

I smile just to think of what tomorrow brings……….. and savour every memory of today…

Back in the saddle again…….. September 13, 2009

Its been a few months since my last post… the summer began and ended without so much as a heat wave….. odd for us in the South, but much appreciated.  Kids were retrieved from Ohio and a lovely week off on vacation was enjoyed by all.  Then life tiptoed back into full force…as school resumed and the day to day humdrum began again…

Josh came back from Ohio almost 2 inches taller than he left and his hands are now bigger than mine, the coolness of that is something I still don’t entirely understand, but the smile on his face merits my attention.  This years feat is his attempt at All-State band competition.  This begins our day earlier than normal, and him being at practice every morning at 7:15am.  I’m hearing of new notes being reached, and how hard it is to get your lips mushed and molded together to hit that high E.  (I really need to take a picture of  “the face” its rather humorous)

Abbie’s year began with friends, friends and more friends–in both Ohio and Georgia… our social butterfly just enjoys herself and bounces from friends house to friends house… She is especially excited about what her ALPHA group is working on for the LEGO league (ALPHA is the talented and gifted program she’s in at school, LEGO league is a competition they participate in every year and involves a robot) and something about creating a car that runs on air )

 

Our biggest excitement was a call I received one day at work…. it went like this:

Me: Hello?

Abbie: Mama… I think something is wrong with the microwave…..

Me: okay

Abbie: But don’t worry nothing is on fire, it’s just alot of smoke…

Me: *DEAD SILENCE*

Now how does one actually respond to that……………..    

I let the “nonfire” go… with minimal giggling… then the other day Abbie told me that they were talking at school about who thinks their mom is cool… to my benefit, Abbie still thinks I’m cool..which is something I need to write down and date it, so one day when she’s 15 and sassy, I can go back and show her that once upon a time I was cool….

NEW EMAIL :)))) September 1, 2009

My email has changed to cgodzwa@gmail.com if you
need me…….. please free feel to contact me there!

Spring Classes for Women June 24, 2009

 THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

 REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Tuesday, July 29, 2009

 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

• Class 1 Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.
•  Class 2 Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or complaing About It for 3 Hours? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
•  Class 3 Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
• Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
• Class 5 Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
•  Class 6 How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
• Class 7 How a Bath Can Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos? Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
• Class 8 Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT! Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
• Class 9 I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
• Class 10 How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim. Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.
•  Class 11 Learning to Live–How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield. Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
•  Class 12 How to Shop by Yourself. Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
•  Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy–Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
•  Class 14 The Stove/Oven–What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Share this to all your guy friends for the best chuckle of their day . . … and to all your gal friends who have a sense of humor . . ..

June 17, 2009

What is a Son?

 A son is a warm spot in your heart and a smile on your lips.   In the beginning, he is charmingly innocent, putting his complete trust in you.   He comes to you for a hand to hold and for the security only your arms can provide.   He shares his tales of adventure and knows how proud you are of his discoveries and accomplishments.   All his problems can be solved by a hug and a kiss from you, and the bond, you share is so strong it is almost tangible….. Time passes, and your innocent little boy starts to test his limits.  

He lets go of your hand to race into the midst of life without thinking ahead or looking both ways.   His problems have grown along with him, and he has learned that you can’t always make his life better or kiss his troubles away. He spends much of his time away from you, and though you long for the closeness you once shared, he chooses independence and privacy.   Discoveries and accomplishments aren’t as easy to come by now, and sometimes he wonders about his worth.   But you know the worth of that young man.  

 He is your past and your future.   He is hopes and dreams that have made it through each and every disappointment and failure.   In your heart, your son is precious and treasured.   Together, you struggles through the years trying to find the right amount of independence for each new stage of his life, until finally, you had to learn to let him go.   Now you put your trust in him, leaving that son whom you hold so dear totally in his own care.   You hope he always remembers that you have a hand for him to hold and arms to provide comfort or support.   Most of all, you hope that he believes in himself as much as you believe in him, and that he knows how much you love him.   Poem By Barbara Cage.

 

 

 

 

 

happy birthday to the worlds best son ever —-and i’m not kidding when i say that — my boy calls to ask me if he can do the dishes, or calls and sings to me in SPANISH happy anniversary.. hugs at the drop of a hat and gives of himself selflessly every day… Always putting other before himself…. i can’t thank God enough for you mini-man…. Your dad and i are so proud we can’t stand it……

but…. because i know this is the big 1 -3 of life….. i must have some fun… so in honor of becoming a teenager…. i present you with a plaque..

 

DISCLAIMER ****if you choose to not move out, please note all rules shall be enforced as we see fit until a future time where you are self supporting and living in a neighboring community where you can still drop by and do laundry and kiss your mama on the cheek…

rememberversaries… June 16, 2009

Pushing aside the normal shrine to the kids, i’m taking a trip down memory lane today…

i’m swept back in time to when I was but a girl, dreaming of being a woman… peering into adulthood on her tiptoes into a mirror that showed nothing but youth and dreams.  A wedding day approached, bells rang, smiles were shared, vows were made.  A life ended and a new one began that day.

Time passes ever so quickly, one year becomes two, two flows into 5 and 5 gives way to 12.. soon 14 years have passed and it seems like only yesterday that girl stepped out of childhood and into the rushing pools of being a wife and mother, the two so often overlapping that one has to push back the tide to see that they are so completely different and should remain so but so often are not.  Time sits there on my shoulder and stares at me. Reminding me that it slips through the fingers without so much as a warning.  Reminding me that each day is to be treasured for who it touches and how its spent. 

Often time that girl peers  into the mirror yearning to see something ~ anything again, with anticipation as if it were first time,  as she did so very long ago, but too often the woman that stares back at her rebukes her, scolding her into a corner. But I wonder if the girl was let out, to run free, if those days would return and if the smell of the roses and rain on the night air would linger as they did so many years ago. She sits staring out of the glass longing to be free…longing to run with her hair flowing down her back into the starry night..

I married my best friend  the 17th of June 1995.  (or 94 if you’re crazy and can’t engrave correctly).  And the paths of our lives have weaved in and out of many places, taken us to different ends of the world, and in and out of circumstances, and through many trials.  We’ve fought until the very breath was out of us,  loved like there was no tomorrow, cried like there was, and laughed at our blunders. We’ve seen two lives brought into this world……. old things have passed away and new have been born, we’ve  seen so many things….. and have stood together. 

 

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

 happy anniversary…………

where the sidewalk ends….. June 9, 2009

We started Vacation Bible school last night… had 41 teenagers in class.. it was an amazing night, and as I watched them shift uncomfortably during the song service, I giggled to myself –  it was an obvious mixture of insecurity  and pride — not wanting to embarrass themselves by singing the silly songs, but a deep yearning to at the same time.  Teenager years are full of that.. the strong desire to remain a child, but simultaneously announce their independence to the world.    I think life is so often like that, even as adults…

 I fell in love with Shel Silverstein’s poems when I was a child and relish in the fact that my children enjoy him today.  

When the kids leave for the summer, a part of me goes with them… if you look at my posts from this time last year, it is always the same ole tune… missing my mini’s. This is complicated by the fact that Josh will be 13 next week.. A teenager… and that simply astounds me.. How much longer will that boy come ’round for a hug, how much longer will he like us as parents? When will the ackward boy slip away and be replaced but a gangly manchild.   

This poem is a favorite of mine, and reminds me of so many times when i thought about where the road turns into the hill, and where it would lead me if i followed it.   The bend in the road that leads to everywhere…  enjoy the poem and i hope it reminds you of a summer day on a blanket watching the clouds roll by…..Poetry is a song waiting for a score of music to be written….. so sit back, pull up a blanket on the grass and remember the days when all that mattered were moon-pies and yoo-hoos and write some music for your soul…

Where the Sidewalk Ends

There is a place where the sidewalk ends

And before the street begins,

And there the grass grows soft and white,

 And there the sun burns crimson bright,

 And there the moon-bird rests from his flight

To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black

And the dark street winds and bends.

 Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow

 We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,

 And watch where the chalk-white arrows go

To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we’ll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,

And we’ll go where the chalk-white arrows go,

For the children, they mark, and the children, they know

The place where the sidewalk ends.

I’m sorry– have we met?? May 26, 2009

Yes, I know, I’ve apparently fallen off the face of the earth, taken a hiatus or something from the cyber world… but I have ignored my dear blog long enough and have so much that is post worthy, I fear I shall never get it all done. Now I sit on the brink of summer, kids leaving for Ohio, school ending (my baby will be in 5^th grade…. Oye vey) So here is the 411, the rundown, the nitty gritty on our lives since my last update…

ABBIE ~ my “mini me”:

She is the drama queen of the family, the louder than life in SO many ways.. for her and for us actually -softball has absorbed our lives since March, and I do mean ABSORBED our lives… practice, games, practice, games..rinse and repeat… wow— its been a long season, but has flown by at the same time—how is that even possible I don’t know.  She has batted, struck out, hit, run, stolen bases, caught and cheered louder than ANYONE else on her team.  

Its been a great season, we’ve won, we’ve lost, we’ve cheered, we’ve fussed… but all in all the girls have come a long way, and we can’t wait to see what next year holds…

Abbie is going into 5^th grade, her last year in elementary school, and my heart nearly breaks at that thought… but the young lady she’s becoming is simply lovely ~ for now anyway, ask me in a few years I may have changed my mind!!   She is excited about the summer, going to Nana and Papa’s house, meeting Bailey their new puppy and swimming… apparently she’s not TAN enough yet.. J

 

JOSH ~ my “mini man”:

He is the one that tells me where I should park so I  don’t have so far to walk, the one that calls me and asks if he can do the dishes for me.. Mr Serious, most of the time. J Josh had some really cool opportunites this year, aside from band, he was able to be a student leader and guide the soon-to-be newbie 6^th graders around the school.   Show them where all the important things are, like… the lunch room and the bathrooms!!  The in May he was a part of a Living Wax Museum, the entire school  was transformed into a museum. He was able to have a part in it and what was so exciting was his group was studying Peru, so it was awesome for him and he was able to bring a ton of things from home to school to share… it was an amazing night and the kids did a simply fantastic job.

 

Memorial Day has come and gone, and we spent ours at the Tennessee Aquarium. We picnicked next to the river, watching the boats go by and then off to the aquarium where new exhibits, including penguins nesting on an egg – were on the list to see. And we got there at just the right time, kids were able to feed the stingrays, touch a snake, feed the turtles, hold a butterfly and watch the sharks get fed. Even the river otters were out to play and Tony made a new friend – something called a paddlefish.. very interesting creature….

All in all we had a simply glorious day and enjoyed being out of the house for a change… J

Of course there is always more, but I’ll save that for another day and get on to what you really want to see — pictures…

So enjoy!!!!