we are 2 weeks away from school starting again…i remember never starting school pre- Labor day, and now, it’s barely summer and they are going back… weird.   So August the 8th it is… the big day. Abbie is starting her hierarchy in elementary school - 4th grade and Josh begins his quest in the big pond of Middle school - 6th grade.

We have much to do, clothes to buy (thanks to those that helped us out with that…) pencils to get sharpened, backpacks to ready…. the anticipation is mounting….and poor abbie is worried there won’t be anything left because we’re shopping late this year…. silly girl.

The first week of August is also exciting as it is the Godzwa Family reunion in Erie, PA.  I mean, get a bunch of Godzwa’s together and there’s no telling what will happen!!!!  They are coming from all over for a weekend of catching up.  The kids are, as far as i know, making the long haul from Oak Harbor, Ohio to Erie to take place and to have some time with the much missed Grandma Joy.   it should be a great time, and hopefully someone will send poor little me some pictures to post!! (hint-hint Jen…) haha  Next year, i’m told that Dave and Kelly will be in from Mexico, so we need to start planning now to make the trip north, unfortunately we can’t get up there this year….  we wish all those attending a great weekend of fun, food and fellowship…. and you will all be in our thoughts.

 

Yesterday, i thought i was going to have to put an APB out on our puppy… yesterday she bolted from the pen when i was trying to get out.  She thinks she’s SO cute… but let me tell you, it was probably a blessing in disguise i couldn’t get my hands on her, or i would have thrown her up against a tree…. she ran and ran, stopped, ran some more…sat down, stared at me, (for the record this is all happening at 7:40am, I’m dresssed for court and pressed for time…) and then as i take a single step towards her, chatting her up, telling her GOOD PUPPY- DO YOU WANT A BITE??? she takes off again…and again…finally we reach the end of the block and POOF she’s gone.

what to do, what to do.  Well, we had to leave, i had to be in court at 8am.  So. I can home later, after lunch and thankfully she wasn’t too far from home, but she was FILTHY…and ORANGE…. so i get her in the house, and went to change to bathe the little jail bird…i look over at her and with her ball in her mouth, she was ASLEEP…guess she had a big day…  so, i let her rest for about 2 mins, then threw her in the bathtub and scrubbed her down…. she was stuck to me all day…. she wouldn’t leave my side… i think she knew that i was mad, but punishing her would be like a fussing at a 2 year old 6 hours after they disobeyed…pointless..   

yep, we are party animals at our house….i’m telling ya….

the kids are due back in 18 days (yes i’m counting….) but it’s amazed me just how loved they are, and not just by me and Tony.  I’m not saying our kids are super wonderful (okay, maybe just a little bit) or anything special (uh, yeah, they are TO ME!!!) but it seems that they capture the hearts of people everywhere they go and this amazes me!!

Josh called up the other week, we’re chatting and he said that he was going to go to Cedar Point (the worlds BEST amusement park, hands down….) I was rather shocked, and asked him how that happened…and so the story unfolded… He had gone to a wedding of a Young lady in my parents church, at the reception, one of the members, Greg, (now this is a man that has married children….not someone Josh’s age) asked Josh what he was doing on Monday..Josh turned to Nana and said…what am i doing monday…response, nothing… so he told Greg that…well, Greg said,”would you mind coming to Cedar Point with me? My wife doesn’t like to ride the rides and I need someone to ride with”  so Josh was able to go to his favorite amusement park, ride all the best coasters in the world… and enjoy the day with a new friend!!! What a blessing…. THEN last night (Sunday) my mom calls and asks if Josh can go to camp with the church!!! Someone offered to pay Josh’s way!!!!!  WOW.  uh, YEAH!!! So today, josh is off to Butler Pennsylvania to camp (teen camp i might add - can you believe he’s that old!!?????) “ay de mi”   it’s a blessing to see how people care about my kids, enough to help them do things they couldn’t normally do.

Abbie has her own fan club, most of which is eagerly awaiting her return.  She’s getting packages sent to her (that might be a secret, so shhhhhh) from a sunday school teacher.  She has her best friend waiting every not so patiently for her to come back for a trip to the lake….  she has a secret admirer through whom it will be possible to dress like “da bomb” when she goes to school this year…….

 

My mom, who’s driven all over the planet (okay just northern ohio) to get them hither thither and yonder, taking them to COSI for the day, to friends houses and more… Wow, superwoman, i know she doesn’t have to, but she’s sacrificed her time for them… her Papa whom she has convinced that Ice Cream is in the 4 major food groups…that naps are awesome and playhouses are a reality….

 

it just makes my heart glad to know my kids are loved…loved not just a little, but overwhelmingly so.   It is a gift to a child that will never be lost, but will be treasured in their hearts for years to come

Thank you to everyone that has expressed such love to them, to us… you will never know this side of heaven what loving Josh and Abbie means to me….

 

I realized yesterday just how protective I am about my job…I think I may have scared Tony just a bit.

I do not like to be cornered by anyone, family or otherwise, but it puts a spin on things when someone insults your authority and goes behind your back to get something done, then it becomes personal. 

Being a female, a wife and mother AND a probation officer has often caused second glances, smirks and sarcastic comments… more than once, when asked what I do, upon responding I am told “REALLY????”"”  but I’ve come to accept that, maybe it’s because i’m a girl, wear skirts, or perhaps its because i look too “nice..” I’m good with all that….what I dislike is that it is assumed that I am to “roll over” and do whatever someone wants because they hold a title.  It could be an attorney, judge of another court, a detective, DA, whatever…they call me up and just assume that SURE whatever you want, I’ll do…uh, NAH  - how bout NO.

Yesterday was one of those days, when I was asked  to do something i was extremely opposed to, not once, but twice…but then the unacceptable happened - on both occasions the other individuals went behind my backs to try to manipulate the situation.    In fact, one called Tony, trying to see if he (Tony) could swing me around and do it his way….my initial response was, YA BIG SISSY, COME TO MY OFFICE AND SAY IT TO MY FACE… but while I was not excited about that, especially that he told Tony i was “soft on crime”  I fussed my way through it and tried to let it go…I think i’m still trying…. sigh

The other was not so easy to let go…. this man didn’t just go around me, he didn’t go to Tony… he went right over my head… to my judge…. WOW, talk about upseting me.  He went to the judge and got his agenda approved. Then i get called and told to do whatever he wanted, even though 2 hours ago, i’d said NO, it simply didn’t matter, i’d been overruled… So, needless to say I was fuming last night, poor Tony didn’t know what had hit him…. I was furious with that one simple act. Finally, I settled down and realized that life will go on, and if I look at the big picture, this is nothing to sneeze at…(easier typed than done - ha ha)

I also realized how often we are on the defensive in life… Someone stabs me in the back, i automatically want to stab them back.  But in doing so, I see how quickly my testimony can be slandered, squandered and shot down.  How can I be affective (professionally and spiritually) when I get so angry so quickly.  Now, I am not saying I’ve completely changed… I know myself well enough to know that its going to take some work on my end…but i that light bulb has blinked on above my head and I see that my focus needs to be redirected… this job, while i love what i do, makes me so cynical at times, so cold hearted towards the needs of others, it is down right scary.  I need to remember that while the best offense is a good defense, defense is also very offensive… and can hurt….

do i want people to run behind my backs? no. is it going to happen again?  probably. I suppose it’s how i handle myself when it happens that matters most….

I love technology..i love emailing and of course…blogging but there is something about receiving a letter in the mail, i mean in that actual box that sits next to the drive way, with that cute little red flag.. It’s almost…magical now days to get something via the US post office.. people have stopped writing, cell phones have replaced pens and paper, and emails have taken over.. the mere convenience of it. 

To be honest, it is a lost art, i am even seeing it go as far as not sending thank you notes out….(oh the horror of that!!!)… pen pals are now “chat room pals”…. stationary? what is that?  but yesterday a miracle took place,  as we drove down Rolling Way Drive and approached our house… inside that little black box was more than a light bill, more than the Wal-Mart sale flyer…there inside was this nearly extinct creature known as a letter… amazed and bewildered, i snatched it up…

lo and behold, it was from our son… (that is even more of a miracle….ha ha)  the sweetness of receiving something in the mail is more enhanced when it is from someone you love.  Josh had taken the time to actually pen a few words to his mother and father… to let us know he missed us….well, it was actually more to see how many people we’d placed in jail (his question of the day after we’re off work) and to see if Kinsey was “obeying the rules”.  But just the act alone is indescribable coming from a 12 year old boy…from anyone for that matter

it is a simply act… but the time that it takes, the mental anguish that one goes through, what do i say, what if my penmanship is terrible, the licking of the envelope and the placing of the stamp, going to the post office.. sliding it through the slot, it takes on more meaning that hitting the send button does any day…

so challenge of the day is to go home and compose a letter -to your grandmother, sister, aunt, brother, friend…whomever… be it short or a novel, just to let them know that they are more than a click away… and that your thoughts, your very time was spent, not on TV, or leisurely things to please ourselves, but were on them…. it’s simply priceless….

tick-tock…tick-tock….

 

this always happens..kids leave and about 2 weeks into this little adventure i start to miss them terribly.  I get sad when i go past their rooms, i miss their hugs and kisses (kisses from Abbie, because apparently its not cool to kiss your mom when your a 12 year old boy)… I miss our chats… we have such great chats… Abbie my sweet girl, always having girl issues and Josh my handsome boy… with his never ending imagination likes to probe into your head, wondering what your favorite movie is and which wrestler is better than the other one (not that i have a clue about the wrestler, but the good mom i am, i can at least fake it..)  

this compounded with yesterdays events puts me in a sorrowful, heart sad mood.  I know WHY we send them to Ohio, I know they are well cared for, and loved, tucked in every night after a story and perhaps a scoop or two of ice cream… but the missing element of my heart doesn’t change…  

I spoke to Abbie the monday night, she was trying to encourage me about going to the academy… she told me, “mama, you can do it because you’re mucho strongo” i said, Abbie, i know you can say that right…she giggled…and muy fuerte slowly and quietly escaped from her lips… the sweetness of it made me smile…

i will be fine, i know that, i have my moments, and i get my head together and move on, it’s what i do, i suppose what moms do world-wide… when they have to… these past few days it seems like on the highway in the middle of a 10 car pile up, hidden underneath the rubble and twisted metal…wondering when it will end and how long i’ll be buried… the sun still shines and God still loves me, i know this, and perhaps those of you with kids will understand this better than anyone… or perhaps i’m crazy and alone in this situation… who knows.

I do know that i love my kids, and can’t wait to scoop them into my arms on the 7th of August and hold them ever so close… and just breathe them in…

tick-tock….tick-tock…. only 36 days left to go…..

 

i don’t know really how to start this post.  I thought of some clever sayings, words of wisdom, or something Biblical, but to be honest, i’ve been a bit angry and don’t want to be clever or witty…..so i am going to write from my heart and see what happens…i can always delete this, right…

Yesterday was D-DAY for me, the start of mandate school at the police academy.  It was suppose to be the start of 10 weeks of utter frustration and hard work, though scared, I was ready for the challenge (i finally go ready about….4:30am that morning..but hey, i was still ready…)  Upon arriving to the school, we filed in and i realized they run that school like a boot camp, but the challenge of it was welcomed and i was looking forward to it.  So, we start the paper work….and then the Lt. stood up and said “does anyone have any medical issues we need to know about”  well, my agency head told me to bring a statement from my doctor regarding my shoulder issues and what limitations i had, we both assumed that they would allow me to participate but would simply limit me on what i could do.

BOY WERE WE WRONG.  I gave the Lt. the paperwork…and knew, as soon as I saw his eyes scan over it, there was an issue, but i waited and prayed, hoping i was wrong.  2 hours later, fear rose in my throat as i heard the Lt. call me into his office…. The shoulder issues i have limit me from lifting and pulling with my left arm…i was also advised by my doctor that i shouldn’t do too much “live combat” with that arm.

yeah, that about settled it, unless the doc was willing to clear me 100% medically, they wouldn’t allow me to stay.  So i was invited to leave….

boy was i mad, angry, upset, frustrated and ticked off.  not at the academy, they are covering their agency, but at myself - should i have kept that from them? should i have just gone through it and risk hurting myself worse… well, after the initial shock (and LOTS of tears) I calmed down, realized i would have done the same thing in their position, and came back to face my agency head, David.

He was very encouraging, stated that we aren’t going backwards but forwards and “we will get you certified”.  See, in order for me to take the chief’s position in the probation office, i HAVE to get my certification through Georgia P.O.S.T. so now the hunt it on to find me someplace to go.

I spent the day feeling sorry for myself, at least the first few hours of my afternoon…but then realized how much good has come from this life change.  I am getting into shape.  I feel better physically, i’ve lost weight, am running and walking 3-5 times a week.  I got this fancy new hair cut… and i have mentally gotten more confident.  I know i can do things i didn’t think i could do before.. I went for a mile and a half walk last night, and talked to my Jesus, and we decided that we’re going to be just fine, he and I…. there is a reason for it, possibly so i didn’t injure my arm to a point that i cannot use it… or perhaps there is yet another reason, a deeper reason i don’t know yet…

Life has a way of throwing curve balls, but i guess it’s how you catch them that matters. 

they say a picture is worth a thousand words….so here are some for your enjoyment….

this is my friend, Sebastian’s wife and daughter Lexi..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                  Me and my new Police Academy doo!! or a mug shot, i’m not sure which…..

 

 

 

Josh and his teacher Ms. V

 

 

                                                                             Abbie and her teacher Ms. Gladson     and Lexi in her daddy’s shoes                         

 

 

it’s summertime again. its hard to believe that it’s June 23rd.  I feel like we just celebrated Valentines and now we’re about to celebrate July 4th…wow.  The kids have gone to Ohio for the summer…off to Nana and Papa’s house, where ice cream is an acceptable breakfast and a playhouse is a castle in the eyes of a child.

I miss my kids terribly when they are gone.  I walk past their rooms and have to remind myself that they are not here. Even the dog is confused at their absence…rushing to the doors in anticipation..   I can’t thank God enough for my parents willingness keep them for the summer. It is indeed a blessing. 

I was walking out back last night, chasing a silly puppy that thinks she is too cute for her own good…and a saw the fireflies…**blink**blink**blink**  and was reminded of the simplicity of summer, and I went back to a time when as a child, barefoot, racing across the field and hopping into a tree…climbing to the top and magically transforming the tree into a land of fairies and pixies.  I thought back to days that the sun never seemed to set and days spent fishing or laying in the sun watching clouds roll by.

I envy my children at times like these.  Envy them for the sweetness and innocence they still possess and that they have the long summer days to enjoy.  But at the same time, I am so very thankful, for it through them I am able to see summer through their eyes and live vicariously through them.

Sittin’ in the mornin’ sun
I’ll be sittin’ when the evenin’ come
Watching the ships roll in
And then I watch ‘em roll away again, yeah

I’m sittin’ on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I’m just sittin’ on the dock of the bay
Wastin’ time

She is a special person in our life, someone that we know is always there for us when we need her.  She is Tony’s godmother (wand not included) and someone we love very much.  Last night we had the pleasure of driving down to Atlanta to have dinner with Tony’s aunt Hope.  She was in town for a medical conference, so we packed up after work and scooted down to see her and have a late dinner.

thankfully we made fantastic time going down and had a wonderful evening with her.  it was such a blessing to catch up after all this time, sit around and reminiss about times before and look forward to the future.  We heard about her trips to Spain last year and about her upcoming adventure to Italy.  The food was wonderful but the converstation was even better, especially when it turned to baseball and the Yankees…OH i thought for sure Tony was going to get beat up!!

Thank you Aunt Hope for the fantastic dinner (what a cook!!) and for being such a blessing to us.

and you’ll have to ask Tony about who “grandma hope” is, and while you’re at it, offer him a Klondike bar  and see if he’s voting Democrat..

 

I do, and i know i’m going to get killed for this!!!!

hee hee

here’s tony in 1989………….  look at all that hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!